More than any other term recently added to the English lexicon, I really loathe referring to single, middle-aged woman as “cougars.” MILF would be worse, if it weren’t for the predatory implications that make cougars gross and oh so deviant. After numbing us to the notion with a more horrifying incarnation of this new beast on their sister network, NBC launched a new venue for cougars last month with the premiere of Age of Love. The show attempts (quite scientifically) to get to the bottom of the eternal question… is age really nothing but a number?
Well, not when you’re a 31-year-old tennis “star” with a killer body and an accent that balances the line between exotic and retarded. Forcing bachelor Mark Philippoussis (don’t laugh) to choose a mate from a pool of 20-somethings or 40-somethings isn’t just setting him up for the obvious, it’s pretty cruel to these old ladies who weren’t expecting to fight for a man at least ten years their junior, with women two decades younger. The product of a May/December romance myself (albeit one where the roles are more conventional), I’m not remotely phased by the notion of dating outside of your age bracket. But expecting a man at his physical peak to consider a woman on the verge of becoming supremely hormonal (and barren soon after) over sexually-charged co-eds requires no decision at all.
The cougars, in their defense, are a generally more attractive bunch. The likelihood of any of these 20-somethings looking that good at their age is slim to none. But by then Mr. Philippoussis will have moved onto someone he didn’t meet on TV anyway. Age of Love, though not the ideal conditions to see if age really matters, is at least unapologetically entertaining. The “kittens” whine and show their immaturity while the cougars overcompensate for their dire circumstances by seeming as happy and easygoing as possible. It’s the special kind of funny/sad reserved for the harmonious amalgam of reality TV and single women, but when smart editing showcases how truly ridiculous these people are, you can’t help but laugh. During last week’s elimination, Mark cooed to 42-year-old Maria his best attempt at a compliment: “I have so much fun with you. You make me feel like a kid again.” Of course she smiles and feigns flattery, but inside… she dies.