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Upfronts 2008: So… You Think You Can Stop Dancing?
May 15th
My silence may be eerie, but I’m sneakily still very much liking TV. In fact, I just got in from the Fox upfront party. It’s been an exhausting and kind of uneventful week, but what better excuse to touch base than the TV equivalent of prom?
So this year marked my first in-person upfront experience, and I have to say, they’re kind of gross. A bunch of sloppy ad folks boozing to the point of public embarrassment and blatant starfucking does not a good time make. It was an education though. My deep love of So You Think You Can Dance (returning in one week!) was slightly challenged by the throng of contestants from seasons two and three that could literally not stop dancing at any point during the night. Brazilian BBQ buffet? Dance! Line at the porta-potty? Dance! Creepy ‘80s cover band? Um… dance!
They have their charms though. And about a month from now I’ll be so thoroughly into their successors, this transgression will be long forgotten. What won’t be forgotten is the fact those two beautiful creatures pictured above and Eliza Dushku all bolted before I got there. Perhaps it’s best that they stay on their respective pedestals, but I sure would have love to see TV actors not on Gossip Girl every once in a while.
Enough of that. Let’s get down to business. This time last year I was an unhappy camper. Veronica Mars was done, I was mostly unimpressed with the pick-ups, and Eliza Dushku’s pilot was passed over by FOX. Things could not be more different in 2008. Friday Night Lights and How I Met Your Mother, the two bubble shows that I desperately needed to see renewed, will both be back with a vengeance. I’m genuinely excited by some of the new offerings. And this year’s Dushku pilot, a little show called Dollhouse by some writer/auteur/genius named Joss Whedon, is a sure bet for midseason. If you can catch the trailer (they keep pulling them), you will see how very drool inducing it is. Full fall schedules for all the networks, if you haven’t already seen them, can be found right here: ABC, CBS, FOX, the CW. (NBC’s is oooooold news.)
There weren’t any surprises this week. News of renewals and pickups, save a few exceptions, all came weeks ago. The only real shock was that after all the hullabaloo over the upfronts being “soooo different” this year, they were more or less the same. No complaints on my part, as I can think of far worse things than tradition. Attention-starved dance competition veterans for one.
How I Met Your Mother: No Room For Shame
Mar 24th
How I Met Your Mother‘s return to the air wasn’t exactly a return to form. Last week’s episode had it’s moments, but it didn’t pack all the funny that over three months of downtime should have guaranteed. This lowered my already dismal expectations for this week’s Britney episode that would understandably include all of the pandering that generally comes with a stunt of this nature. I’m not upset with the decision. Mother is struggling, and if lowering their standards for one episode to grab a wider audience is what it takes to skirt a premature death, I can reconcile that.
Well, as it turns out, all of my nerves and over thinking were for naught. The Spearsy “Ten Sessions” was one of the best episodes of the season and saw Ted back as the giddy romantic we’ve barely gotten since the first season when he started courting Victoria, the cupcake girl. Mother never ceases to surprise me with their inventive ways to tell a story. Bouncing back and forth from the gang’s table at McLaren’s to Ted’s various visits to the dermatologist’s office was a nice method of keeping the focus on Ted. The supporting cast is the show’s greatest asset (as is often the case on TV), but it’s no reason to ignore the protagonist. Their departure from his journey towards matrimony is one reason why a lot of people became frustrated with the series. The third season is bringing him back into the loop.
So what about Britney? She was not bad, though her greatest success may have been her ability to not be completely awkward. The writers even gave her some pretty cherry lines. She botched one or two, and her hairline only completely distracted during one scene. Like the character she was playing, this girl is desperate in a way that’s almost endearing. She just wants a chance, and regardless of your feelings for her, it’s nice to see that she’s still more than a few bad days away from drowning in her own barf at the Hard Rock Hotel.
That’s not to say she was the highlight. Hell no. That came near the end when Ted treated the ever darling and hilarious Sarah Chalke to a two-minute date. I’m glad the Silverstone appearance fell through. Unless she was to arrive on set via a time machine from 1995, her charm would not have been in tact. The episode would not have been as tight. Chalke is a worthy sparring partner for Ted, and I hope the show took notice. The open-ended manner in which they left her storyline leads me to assume they did, but all this talk of Scrubs moving to ABC will put a speedy and to any potential return. Sad… I really wouldn’t mind if she ended up being your mother.
The episode earned high ratings, as did last week’s, so my naive heart feels that HIMYM will return for a fourth season. And for anyone who feels that it doesn’t deserve one, I offer the following clip as a rebuttal… just ignore that soundtrack.
Visiting With Our Friends on Death Row
Feb 26th
No, it isn’t photo fanfic time. I’m just taking a moment to update you less vigilant TV fans who may not be keeping up on all of the latest Friday Night Lights and How I Met Your Mother speculation, leads and updates. Some is good, some plain stinks and most just reminds me of the awful feeling I had last year when I was clinging to every misleading morsel about the clearly doomed Veronica Mars. Regardless, here’s what has gone down in the last couple of weeks…
Friday Night Lights
- Best Week Ever’s campaign to save FNL fell apart when Viacom execs noticed that their flagship blog was promoting a show that airs at the same time as its corresponding series… on a different network. Their light bulb icon remains because it does raise awareness. And it is very cute. (Defamer)
- Any possibility that FNL would return for more second season episodes is out the window. Taylor Kitsch is going to Australia to make the X-Men prequel. (BuzzSugar)
- Just over a week ago, news broke that NBC is considering “wrapping up” FNL with a two-hour series-ending special. Not the worst case scenario, but it’s still pretty chince. (Watch With Kirstin)
- The most recent development for Lights is the most exciting. NBC approached The CW, TNT and the owner of E! and G4 about sharing a third season of FNL – should one be produced. Talk of sharing it with NBC-owned nets like Bravo and USA has not come up. At least this means the execs still really are invested in the series – despite any of Ben Silverman’s drunken ramblings about 30 Rock. (Zap2It)
How I Met Your Mother
- The Hollywood Reporter isn’t so grim about Mother‘s future. I failed to mention in my last report that while the show was not included in CBS’s fall picks-ups, sources are optimistic that a renewal is imminent. (The Hollywood Reporter)
- Super sleuth, and champion of TV fans everywhere, Kristin Dos Santos is nervous for Mother. She points out the disturbing truth that CBS has nothing to gain should the Fox-owned series reach a syndication-cinching 100th episode. (Watch With Kristin)
- CBS moved Mother to a new time slot for their April return. It will now air on Mondays at 8:30 in between the more successful The Big Bang Theory and Two and a Half Men. Think of it as an amazing sandwich… but instead of bread, they’re using poop. (TV Squad)
How I Met Your Mother: Back on the Bubble
Feb 15th
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… Few of this week’s post-strike news items were as exciting as CBS’s prompt order of nine more episodes of How I Met Your Mother that are slated to start airing as soon as March 17th. There hasn’t been a new episode of Mother since the early December, and it’s absence is responsible for one of the most painful holes in the Jarlsberg that is my viewing schedule. Too bad my moment in the sun was short-lived. The eye network announced their series guaranteed pickups for the 2008/2009 season this morning, and Mother was notably absent.
I really can’t understand why this show has had such a difficult time finding an audience. It’s far superior to any other comedy on CBS, yet they all do much better. It would be understandable if Mother was more similar to Arrested Development or The Office, but there’s no sophistication here that might alienate potential viewers. It is, quite frankly, a formulaic, multi-camera sitcom – a dying breed of show. And while most in its shrinking pool of contemporaries are still finding a wide audience (see every other show in CBS’s Monday lineup), none of them offer Mother‘s consistent humor minus the cliché. Their draw is something I will never be able to understand, and my frustrations are such that I could never fully communicate.
How I Met Your Mother will not be saved by a letter writing campaign or truckloads of yellow umbrellas. If it’s return next month isn’t marked by a solid improvement in ratings, it will probably not be back next year. I would blame the network, but it’s really not their fault. Three seasons have offered the show more than enough to time to grow an audience. The audience just isn’t biting. So if this really is the last season of How I Met Your Mother, the only ones at blame are the foolish people who wait to turn their dial to CBS until 8:30 and 9:00 every Monday to watch boring stereotypes and stale humor in favor of refreshing, intelligent comedy.
Jericho: All Those Peanuts for This?
Feb 12th
I’m as easily swayed by quality sci-fi as the next socially awkward TV enthusiast, so when fans of Jericho rallied so vigorously after the show’s cancellation last year, I assumed it was probably something I could get behind myself. CBS miraculously resurrected the show, and I decided I would catch up before it returned. I did not. I really meant to, but my poor relationship with the network and my lingering late-90s reservations about Skeet Ulrich kept me from ever making the jump. Thank. Flipping. God.
If the first three episodes of Jericho’s new season are any indication of standards during the show’s initial run, I wasn’t missing much. And neither were you. I’m guessing I can lump us together, because not many people watched Jericho last year. That’s why they canceled it. Now nothing irks me more than people hating on my favorite shows, but given the fact that I was forced to endure 126 minutes of this one, I think I’ve earned the right to vent.
My beef with Jericho isn’t so much that it sucks – plenty of TV sucks. Plenty of the most watched shows in America suck. It’s just the way of the world. What cheeses me off is that each year, one or two legitimately outstanding shows is tossed aside because of flagging ratings. We mourn them, we look back on them fondly and we bemoan whatever crap fills their timeslot the following fall. So when a show gets a reprieve like Jericho, it should be amazing. It should be amazing just to honor all of its fallen brothers and sisters who didn’t get the same chance. Throughout the long and notorious history of “brilliant but canceled” TV, no other show has gotten that chance – at last not in this manner – so forgive me for being a little sour that the honor was bestowed on this steaming pile of poorly scripted, awkwardly paced, laughably acted patriotic propaganda masquerading as allegory.
Do Not Accept Your Invitation to The Captain
Feb 5th
Two years ago, the star of CBS’s Welcome to the Captain, Fran Kranz, appeared in a little seen (and hugely hilarious) film called The TV Set. In it he played an unknown actor who secured the starring role in a pilot that had all the makings of an excellent series. But through the network’s dumbing down of the script and his insipid performance, the show that was actually produced ended up being a boring, contrived mess. Welcome to the Captain could be that series.
It follows a struggling young writer named Josh who moves into a historic Hollywood high-rise as a last result before fleeing LA for the creative womb of New York. In the building he meets an eccentric group of tenants who become the focus of his day-to-day. There isn’t much to look forward to in TV land these days, so forgive me for holding out hope that Captain may have been something to write home about. All of the previews seemed legitimately funny, the camera work is reminiscent of Arrested Development and their nabbing of actors like Jeffrey Tambor, Raquel Welch and Chris Klein was a huge vote of confidence. So how does this show suck so royally and completely? I’m afraid there’s no easy answer. Captain is bad in ways both predictable and astonishing. It takes a mediocre premise and challenges everyone involved (writers, actors, the key grip, craft services…) to pollute each minute with clichés, idiotic humor and the kind of poor exploitation of “wacky” characters that has rarely appeared on television since the late 80s.
You might be thinking, “Mikey, it’s not fair to judge pilots so harshly. At least give the show a chance.” Well, I did. Half of the venom I just spewed was produced during my viewing of next week’s installment of Welcome to the Captain. The first episode was merely bad. For something achingly bad, by all means, keep watching.
One Kid Nation, Under Sophia
Dec 6th
Ok, folks, next week is your last chance to catch the brilliant (in an totally autistic way) Kid Nation. The overwhelmingly ironic appreciation for the show seemed to die down a few weeks after it started, especially when CBS started gearing the show towards children, but I promise you that it’s just as rife with ridiculousness as it ever was.
The biggest flaw of CBS reality programs is to try and give them some deeper context by providing fake back-story. The “journal of Bonanza City,” serves as nothing but an annoyance and occasional platform for episodic themes. Normally it doesn’t float with me, but last night it allowed us to see what Bonanza City would be like with one of its most interesting characters as dictator and queen. Self-described “30-year-old woman trapped inside a 14-year-old’s body,” Sophia (recently made sheriff) was put in charge when the journal told the town council to go on a vision quest to a staged Indian village several miles outside the set. Things went a lot smoother than I would have hoped, but it was a nice respite from the douche-tyranny of Greg, who brings the town’s average IQ down by at least the double digits.
It wasn’t long after his return that the council asked for the kids’ advice on who should win this week’s coveted gold star. They nominated their friends; they nominated some of the towns most shy and underappreciated; poor Zach nominated himself and was actually brought to tears by how much he felt he deserved it. This did not set well with Greg, and honestly, I cannot blame him. I was immediately reminded of the 3rd grade, when I lost the student council election because some fat kid, who may or may not have been named “Brandon,” cried during his speech and everyone took pity on him. I remember making a point about composure being pivotal to leadership, but it was all in vain. Thankfully, Zach was not as lucky as my former 8-year-old nemesis.
The crying did not stop there. At the end of last night’s episode, with the arcade no longer around to distract them, some of Bonanza’s most tender hearts gathered around a campfire and reflected on their experiences away from home. Anjay’s tears started a-flowin’ when he told the group that it was the only place he’d ever fit in. I don’t think he was the only one feeling that way. All of these kids, at least the ones under 12, are freakishly intelligent and capable of a maturity most of us probably don’t find until our 20s. That does not float in elementary school. I’m not saying that being dumb is ever cool, but I certainly don’t remember hanging out on the playground with kids who knew about the Homestead Act and could speak at length about the market price of gold. For most of our 37 remaining pioneers, this is it until college. They are doomed to suffer at the mercy of the Gregs of the world until they’re able to distance themselves from their awkward youths and find another band of likeminded peers who enjoy puns about carbon dating. Good luck, kids!
The Kid Nation season finale airs next Wednesday at 8pm on CBS
Happy Slapsgiving!
Nov 20th
Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down. And How I Met Your Mother may falter, but it’s rarely anything short of legendary. This season is clearly not as consistently irreverent as the second. The pitfalls (and pratfalls) of standard sitcom puns and one-liners are proving to be quite the temptation for the folks over at Mother. They soldier on though, with more than enough moments of brilliance to compensate for the occasional cheesiness. Such was the case with last night’s long-awaited (seriously, the countdown started at 130 days or something) “Slapsgiving” episode.
What makes me love Mother more than all the others? Sure, it may have the best chemistry of any primetime comedic ensemble, the writing tends to tap into cultural moments with the speed of those fellas at South Park and the made-up words are often their biggest water cooler asset… but in the end, this show would be nothing without Neil Patrick Harris. For that matter, I would be nothing without Neil Patrick Harris. With one dated, hip-hop-referencing mispronunciation he can make a stale joke fresh as a daisy.
After all, Barney Stinson is probably the most perfectly crafted sitcom character there’s ever been. He sits on the outside, not a part of the show’s key relationships, the eternal bachelor for everyone’s amusement and a dependable sparring partner for the most fulfilling banter. His mechanically chauvinistic attitude should make him more of a caricature than a person, but instead of leaning too heavily towards a “Joey,” Barney’s neuroses and penchant for unpredictable emotional displays make him the most exciting part of the show. In last night’s episode, his cool collectedness melts away when the countdown to the third of his five impending slaps gets too short. So while everyone else is marveling over Jason Segal’s equally entertaining “You Just Got Slapped” ballad, there is only one moment from Slapsgiving that I’ll be incessantly replaying for the foreseeable future:
High Atop Mt. Crapmore Sits Viva Laughlin
Oct 18th
Viva Laughlin is just so damn good, CBS is giving you two chances to watch the first episode! That is a lie. Viva Laughlin is so aggressively horrible, CBS has no effing clue what to do with it. But seeing as how megastar (and odd musical enthusiast) Hugh Jackman has poured so much of his time and money into it, they can’t let it go gentle into that inevitable good night.
Let’s get one thing clear – despite how they’re billing it, Viva Laughlin is not technically a musical. It’s a campy crime drama whose main characters occasionally burst into awkward karaoke and poorly choreographed dance. Where modern film musicals like Chicago smartly use songs to peek inside players’ imaginations to further the story, Laughlin showcases a couple of nouveau riche retards who simply must sing along whenever they hear a tune with references to gambling or sex. You can barely hear their own voices over the original vocals… one of the few things we can thank them for.
Based on Britain’s Blackpool/Viva Blackpool, the show combines middle class aspirations, organized crime and an ongoing murder mystery. Now I’ve never seen Blackpool, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say it was a lot better than this. Bad acting and cheesy dialogue are tough enough on their own, but if your characters aren’t even remotely likable, you’ve got bupkis. It’s all so confusing as to how this show came to be, dissecting the ways I don’t like it is almost too much of a chore.
Had Viva Laughlin premiered sometime four or more years ago, it would have been panned, canceled outright and never discussed any further. But this is 2007, and there is a place for this show online. Bits of it, when not deeply mired in the solid hour of crap, are at least comically terrible. Cross your fingers that some snotty celeblogger uploads the clip of Melanie Griffith half-miming-half-moaning the lyrics to “One Way or Another” first thing tomorrow. This is the same woman from Milk Money, right?
Viva Laughlin airs Sundays at 8pm on CBS, but you can catch the premiere tonight at 10pm
How I Met Your Mother Returns Tonight
Sep 24th
There just aren’t many shows on TV capable of making me laugh hysterically while simultaneously warming my cockles. Actually, there’s just one (all of my other comedies are too offensive to make me swoon). I’m speaking, of course, of How I Met Your Mother – the only show currently on CBS to not only capture m’heart but find a place on my extremely short list of shows I’ll go out of my way for to watch live.
Well, it’s back! And, having already seen the first episode, I can vouch for sustained whimsy and general awesomeness. Though it occasionally falters from the trappings of conventional sitcom-dom (in tonight’s episode, there’s a musical refrain with Enrique Iglesias), it always comes through in the end. And for every Enrique, there’s a Mandy Moore! After over a month of leaked publicity shots, you’ll finally get your chance to see her charm the pants off of Ted and Barney.
This season has a lot in store for us: Robin Sparkles redux, slap bet 2.0 and a considerable amount of development in the long-stagnant search for your mom. Are you sick of being an orphan yet? I’m not – she can take her sweet time. Check out my full review of the season premiere, and, if you haven’t already gotten on board, watch How I Met Your Mother tonight!
How I Met Your Mother airs tonight/Mondays at 8pm on CBS