Remember “not the mama”? How about “I’m the baby – gotta love me”? They were repulsive slogans briefly made popular by ABC’s early-90s show Dinosaurs – a conventional family sitcom but with people dressed in elaborate, scientifically inaccurate Jim Henson dinosaur costumes. Dinosaurs stuck around for four seasons before a bleak, socially conscious finale in which the extinction of the dinosaurs was attributed to their own disregard for the environment (wink wink, nudge nudge). At its worst, it was a stupid show that got all its laughs from puppets, pratfalls and annoying catch phrases. At its best, it was the only show in ABC’s TGIF lineup to move past the cheesy morality plays of Full House and Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper and satirize American excess and ignorance. It was, like so many things of the 90s, bizarre in retrospect and never to be duplicated. Until, apparently, now.
At least that what the folks at ABC are hoping for. It’s got to be their best case scenario for Cavemen, the new sitcom about three Neandertal buddies making a go of it in contemporary San Diego. Ridiculous premises happen, but when they’re a vehicle for social commentary, they can be excusable. Dinosaurs explored subjects like censorship, war profiteering, body image and intolerance towards vegetarians (a network-friendly allusion to homosexuality). Cavemen seems like nothing more than a pseudo-offensive, thinly veiled metaphor for racism. There’s certainly potential for more, but it just doesn’t look like that’s in the cards. Like so many reprehensible torture-porn horror movies, tonight’s incarnation of Cavemen has not been screened for critics. A red flag if ever I saw one. And let’s not forget that it’s based on an string of effing insurance commercials. Postmodern or not, they’ve already negated any potential for earnest analysis of American life (however unlikely) by paying all of those licensing fees.
I’m not saying that Cavemen will definitely suck (though I can’t imagine it won’t). I’m also not saying Dinosaurs is worthy of a lengthy postmortem discussion. It never did anything The Simpsons hadn’t done already and several dozen shows haven’t done better since. It was an honest attempt at semi-thoughtful television though, which judging by the pilot, clips and deafening buzz associated with Cavemen, is the last thing we can expect from them.
Cavemen airs Tuesdays at 8pm on ABC