Mikey Likes TV

As sure of a sign as shorter days or the return of corduroy, the season finale of So You Think You Can Dance signals the imminent death of summer. It’s sad on all counts, but think of how much we’ve grown. Let’s take a look at some lessons learned from the third season of SYTYCD…

1. All dance is better when choreographed to Fatboy Slim – whether you’re Christopher Walken or not.

2. Hammy accent and arbitrary Toy Story quotes aside, Cat Deely is still significantly less annoying than Ryan Seacrest.

3. “Contemporary” is a vague term typically applied to dances about unrequited love, dead parents and/or woodland creatures.

4. If you’re laughing with a midget, it’s OK!

5. Nothing garners sympathy votes like being forced to motorboat a Bette Midler doppelganger’s breasts.

On a serious note, one thing SYTYCD really does need to improve on is their stable of choreographers. For each moment of brilliance this season, there were two or more complete stinkers – especially the hip hop routines. It’s hard to judge these kids when they’re being forced to dress like gypsies and work with material that can’t possibly entertain anyone apart from their parents. Unlike any other competition, off-nights on SYTYCD aren’t often the contestants’ faults, but they suffer for them all the same.

That’s not to say season three didn’t go down exactly how it should have. The final four could not have been stronger, and the order they were dismissed last night (as much as it pains me to say, Neil) was spot on. It was still exciting though, because it could have gone any way. Lacey’s family ties, Neil’s chiseled looks or Danny’s unparalleled precision could easily have taken them to the end, but it was Sabra’s consistency and magnetic personality that ensured her win. If anyone had any doubts, they were probably quelled at the show’s rushed conclusion when her giddy shock supplied one of the most charmingly honest reactions ever caught on tape. As the rest of the top 20 hurried on stage and a blizzard of confetti obstructed the camera, Sabra’s hysterical screams were heard up until the last credit.

Despite declining ratings and what felt like a particularly rushed season, the gods of reality TV and dance have been so kind to ensure another glorious summer of So You Think You Can Dance. The show will be back for its fourth season in nine achingly long months.

It’s Thursday afternoon, and the uncharacteristic behind the scenes drama of this week’s So You Think You Can Dance has already been discussed and dissected… but nobody’s really addressing the, erm, pink elephant in the room. After Jessi collapsed from some sort of heart condition yesterday morning, it looked like her partner, Pasha, would have to dance the Cha-Cha with someone outside of the competition. The producers decided to pair him with the choreographer’s assistant, former US Latin Dance Champion Melanie Lapatin. Though one hell of a good sport for rising to the occasion, it must be noted that Lapatin is a relatively voluptuous woman of 40-some-odd years of age, who, as guest judge Debbie Allen perfectly put it, looks like Bette Midler.

As if pairing her with the chiseled 27-year-old Russian wasn’t odd enough, the producers chose to skirt the topic by completely avoiding putting her on camera and making her run off stage the moment their dance was done. Our brief glimpses of Lapatin came when Pasha was lifting her in the air and burying his face in her bosom. Had her bottom half not been completely exposed, or if the camerawork hadn’t so blatantly reflected their embarrassment, it might not have been the awkward train wreck that it was.

Pasha may move like a lady and sport a permanently dopey grin, but I broke my “don’t vote until the top 10″ rule for him last night. Nobody deserves that shit.

The charm of So You Think You Can Dance is a mystery not meant to ever be understood. While operating under the guise of the cheesiest thing imaginable, the product is the most strangely earnest competition on TV. Theatrics are kept to a minimum and media coverage is almost nonexistent, yet it’s still the highest rated show of the summer. Few contestants seem fame-hungry, all demonstrate a lifelong dedication to their craft that you don’t often see on American Idol and the strange camaraderie of their industry allows for personal and familial connections that link the seasons together unlike any other show. You might say it’s the purest embodiment of the American dream on display today. Oh yeah, and there’s dancing!

Attempting to deal with SYTYCD in a serious manner rates pretty high on the pathetic-ometer, but how else can I begin to justify this sick obsession? It took such a strong hold of me last summer, I actually know someone, who has a friend, whose cousin went to see the live show on tour. He even said it was the best night ever… I heard.

It’s hard to have favorites this early in the game (tonight sees the competitors reduced to a still whopping 16), because it’s almost impossible to distinguish individuals from the random couples they’ve been assigned to. That’s not to say I haven’t. Lauren & Neil* and Lacey & Kameron are most definitely my front runners. All four have been the most consistently fun to watch, and they’re all pretty easy on the eyes as well. Top 10, all the way – even Lacey, who everyone seems a little skeptical over because her cousin was in last year’s top four and her brother was the winner. I was leery because I couldn’t stand him, but it doesn’t look like she’s going to repeat any of his hysterics. There’s also something incredibly funny about a Mormon dancing dynasty playing out on national television, so here’s hoping she’s in it for the long haul.

*Cheers to tapeworthy for the clip of last night’s highlight: