Since live-blogging would have required my watching the show in its painful entirety (and the onslaught of FOX plugs), I hope you’ll settle for my slightly delayed reactions to the big winners…

Supporting Actor in a Comedy – Jeremy Piven – Is it fair to award the same actor two years in a row for playing the same stagnant, stereotypical character that isn’t remotely different from who he is in real life? Apparently so. Piven, you may have Emmy, but you’ll never be half the bro Neil Patrick Harris is.

Supporting Actor in a Drama – Terry O’Quinn – As big of a Heroes fan as I might be… their Drama nod seems a little undeserved. Not so for Masi Oka though. He should have had this. Terry O’Quinn is all well and good in Lost, but if you’re going to award the supporting cast of the island, you could at least have given it to Ben Linus. Nice speech, though, Terry. Can’t say the same for the shirt…

Supporting Actress in a Comedy – Jamie Pressly – In all honesty, I’ve never watched more than five minutes of My Name is Earl, but I’m having a seriously hard time believing that a glorified extra from Not Another Teen Movie is more deserving of this award than Jenna Fischer or Vanessa Williams.

Supporting Actress in a Drama – Katherine Heigl – The reach of America’s love of Denny Duckett goes on long after he’s in the ground! “Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama” is now officially the “Lengthiest and Most Annoying Mourning Period” award. Not that I don’t adore you, Izzie.

Lead Actor in a Comedy – Ricky Gervais – I love Gervais. I love him for his work on Extras, and I love him for not being there to speak.

Lead Actress in a Drama – Sally Field – Have people seen Brothers & Sisters? I watch it religiously, but it’s all kinds of sucky. Unless this Emmy is for the episode when Sally got stoned with Margot Kidder, I don’t buy it. Also… nice editing, Emmy guys! A full hour after Tell Me You Loved Me showed real-life vagina and prosthetic wieners, FOX still can’t let America hear a middle-aged woman say “god-damned.”

Lead Actress in a Comedy – America Ferrera – Wow, the first award of the night I actually called. And one of the few I don’t object to.

Lead Actor in a Drama – James Spader – Can I say “wow” again? Boston Legal is not something I’ve ever watched, or ever intend to, but it can’t be all that bad. Somewhere in Los Angeles, Gandolfini is watching Mannequin and getting trashed.

Outstanding Comedy – 30 Rock – I hate to throw it out there so soon, but 30 Rock is flirting with Arrested Development-type prophetic doom.

Outstanding Drama – The Sopranos – Despite the acting snubs, the Emmys’ love for The Sopranos could not have been more obvious. That Jersey Boys homage? They might as well have just paid someone to felate a bunch of HBO execs live on stage for three minutes. Whatever, it’s not like they don’t deserve it.

… Oh, and Tony Bennett won everything else.

Keeping with the grand tradition they’ve built, ABC’s season finales were over-hyped and completely underwhelming. Some weren’t half bad (Desperate Housewives), while others were completely despicable (Ugly Betty). Regardless of the quality of send-offs, I’m just relieved to take a break from the network for a few months. It’s not that I don’t like them, but more than any other shows, I watch ABC’s Sunday and Thursday night line-ups out of obligation. Like a loving parent who’s a little too excited to send his children off to summer camp, I know I’ll be happy when they return this fall. But for now, I’m just looking forward to a little time to myself.

I don’t like saying “jump the shark.” In addition to the annoying genesis of the phrase and the ridiculous frequency at which it is thrown around, it has always seemed like a grossly uneducated judgment – especially when used in the immediate aftermath of a bad episode. Someone once said that you can’t really judge the success of a presidency until at least 20 years after the end of their term. And while that might not be the exact case with television, you really do need to see how things continue to play out before looking back in hindsight. That said, Ugly Betty might really have jumped the infant shark with the addition of Rebecca Romijn as Daniel’s post-op trannie brother/sister. Her character is far from the show’s biggest weakness, but her mid-season introduction was followed by a steady decline in quality. Last week’s finale was dismal, and if it weren’t for that charming Ferrera girl, I probably wouldn’t be coming back for more next year.

Somewhere in the middle of the crapometer were Grey’s Anatomy and Brothers & Sisters. Grey’s escapes the bottom of the barrel if only for the fact that they’ve already set the precedent for truly horrible television. Calling any one episode of the show “awful” would be a statement too bold for most scenarios and, indeed, this one. After putting her core cast through the much expected, self-inquisitory ringer, Shondra Rhimes leaves us in an enticingly grey (hey-o!) area over the return of accused homophobe, and all around douche bag, Isaiah Washington. On Brothers & Sisters, Sally Field and Calista Flockhart once again proved how invested they are in their craft by crying on camera without makeup. Justin went off to Iraq, Ron Rifkin might be gay with Summer’s dad from The OC and Tommy’s wife looks to be suffering from a rough case of postpartum depression. But none of that was too heavy to keep the Walkers’ from ending the season by jumping into the pool together – taking back the sad site of their patriarch’s demise on the series premiere.

Oddly enough, the most satisfying story development unraveled on Desperate Housewives. Three of the leading ladies are facing serious conflict in the upcoming fourth season, one seems to have finally found the happiness she’s been fighting for since the pilot and one is probably dead. In case you haven’t already heard, last night ended with Nicolette Sheridan swinging from a hand-crafted noose. Edie’s always been the most unnecessary housewife, and series creator Marc Cherry has frequently hinted at her demise, but I still won’t buy her death until she’s good and buried. Her death would be a welcome change on the show, and I could easily see her replacing the long irrelevant Mary Alice Young as the soap’s not-of-the-living narrator. Only time will tell, but I won’t be wasting any of it mulling over the possibilities. That part of my brain is officially turned off until September.

Though it pains me to say it… the spin-offy portion of last night’s two-hour Grey’s Anatomy wasn’t just more interesting than the actual show, it may have actually been kind of good.

When I think of spin-offs, I think of Angel, Rhoda, Law & Order: Acronym or CSI: American City – shows either based on really strong characters from the mother-program or completely different shows that just adopt a similar premise. With as-yet-unnamed spin-off (possibly titled Private Practice), Grey’s is going a completely different route by introducing one of their least compelling characters into a slightly similar situation.

Kate Walsh does not seem the ideal candidate for her own spin-off, but after last night, I’m convinced she was the best choice for Grey’s. She’s not really interesting, but she’s also not really annoying. In other words, she’s the perfect character to ease into another ensemble cast. She’s been branded by Grey’s, so she brings in a very large core audience, but she doesn’t have enough personality to completely define the new show.

Aside from the obviously uninspired premise of “not-so-spring-chicken seeks change of scenery to find her place in life,” obnoxious dialogue may be the show’s biggest drawback. In one scene where Addison is on the verge of an emotional breakdown, potential romantic lead Tim Daly is there to offer her some comfort, by uttering the least appealing come-on in history: “I’m going to kiss you with tongue.” Oh yes, please, that sounds really hot. I’d like to think that someone would have the presence of mind to 86 something so vulgar, but what would a Grey’s Anatomy spin-off be without unsophisticated sexual exposition?

The smartest thing about this pilot was definitely the execution. If you want to guarantee the viewership an existing audience, cut the first episode up into 10 pieces and scatter them into a really long episode of a show they’re going to watch anyways. For anyone who’s a fan of Grey’s Anatomy, watching the pilot was unavoidable. And given how tedious the show has gotten over the last year, Addison’s trip to LA was a welcome respite from the repetitious drama at Seattle Grace.

Watching Grey’s Anatomy isn’t so much a joy as it is a necessity. More than any other show in the last two years, GA’s on and offstage drama has dominated water cooler conversation – so while I cool my proverbial heels in an office with such a cooler, I feel compelled to stay informed.

But not if every episode is going to end like the last three, with a five-minute montage of distressed yet thoughtful faces that loops almost endlessly as some indie girl-pop jam staves off the credits. If they run out of material after 37 minutes, I’m more than obliged to watch extra commercials, but not this.

I might even appreciate these scenes if they’d completely surrender to the sentimentality they’re so desperately emulating and only play “Everybody Hurts.” As it is, they’re really only lacking REM’s thoughtful captions. And it’s not hard to imagine what everyone is thinking. This is, after all, the only time when Ellen Pompeo isn’t speaking through her nose at a million miles per minute.

Perhaps we should just be thankful.