hey paula!
Hey Paula: Not as Exciting as Spice Girls Reunion
Jun 29th
Embarrassingly enough, Paula Abdul’s Spellbound was my first non-Disney related cassette tape. So whenever I see her slur her speech or clap like her nails are wet, I just think of my time spent singing along to “Vibeology” and it’s too hard to judge. Besides, Paula Abdul is a fairly innocuous kind of crazy. She doesn’t have any children, she’s too old to be considered a role model and there are people in her life to make sure she doesn’t operate heavy machinery.
Her new show, Hey Paula, is not as entertaining as you might imagine, given her penchant for public meltdowns. It follows in the footsteps of celebrity documentary-style shows of past, with one glaring exception: Paula is really busy. The funniest reality shows have always chronicled those with excessive downtime, and Paula’s schedule only allows her to really ham it up for the camera during car rides to and from the airport or while she’s getting her hair done. She shows how truly detached she is from contemporary culture by making jokes about the Clintons’ sex lives and Joan Rivers’ plastic surgery. Its been a long time since Paula knew what was really going on.
Conventional format aside, the real copout of Hey Paula is the show’s poor attempt to pass off her drunken/drugged incoherence as the effects of “insomnia.” Her patient manager, a less deviant version of Anna Nicole’s Howard K. Stern, just sighs when Paula makes a fool of herself and says what a horrible time it is for her lack of sleep to catch up with her. I’m inclined to at least pretend to accept this excuse. If posting clips of Neil Patrick Harris’s imitations on YouTube has taught me anything, it’s that Paula fans (while largely illiterate) are one of the most fervent and spiteful groups out there today. And I don’t want to cross them.
American Idol: Blake Soldiers On
May 10th
There is no greater feeling in life than seeing your American Idol contestant of choice make it this far. It is a pleasure that has eluded me year after year – once under shady circumstance but mostly because the people I like aren’t often very good. But all that changed this year when formerly frost-topped Blake Lewis, despite a pretty rough performance on Tuesday, secured his spot in the top three last night.
I’ll be the first to admit that the beat-boxing bit is getting a little stale and that his actual talents might be shadowed by his competition, but Blake is neither boring nor insincere, which cannot be said for Melinda or Jordin. He just loves music and his strange, strange way of making it. I’d like to think that he could stick through to the finale, but the pragmatist in me knows otherwise. Every Idol moment we have with Blake from here on out is a gift from above, because his only chance to win this competition is if people are able to phone in and vote from 1998 – the year he so rightly belongs in.
While the end of Idol should mean a respite from obsessive reality watching, such is not the case. The end of the month signals the return of two favorites (So You Think You Can Dance and Top Chef) and the premiere of Pirate Master. Better still, Bravo has started running teaser promos for what might likely be the most significant development in exploitation since The Swan – Hey Paula!
The show will chronicle the behind-the-scenes antics of the American Idol judge and looks like it will finally confirm everyone’s strong suspicions that she is, indeed, crazy as a shithouse rat. Yes, Bravo (creators of Being Bobby Brown) could go the high road and not take advantage of Paula’s more humbling moments. But if this clip is any indication, we’re about to get a long overdue explanation for Paula’s absurd behavior. Here’s to an extra two months of finding the beauty in everything, slurred speech and clapping like your nails are wet!