What if Ally McBeal was a therapist instead of a lawyer? And what if she was played by charming indie darling Lili Taylor instead of supercreep Calista Flockhart? Unfortunately, it still wouldn’t be that good. Lifetime proved that last night with the premiere of State of Mind, the latest offering in their recent barrage of original series.

State of Mind follows the highs and lows of Doctor Anne Bellows, a marriage counselor who recently caught her husband cheating on her with their marriage counselor. It’s a premise we’ve seen in the plethora of TV movies that ushered the network to where it is today, and Anne herself embodies all that Lifetime holds near and dear. She’s smart, she’s quick, she’s been wronged and, goddammit, she is not going to take any more shit. Anne also has awkward McBeal-esque hallucinations during sessions with clients that will no doubt unnerve SoM’s already anxious therapy-going viewers and further convince the rest of us to never dare tread those waters. But anything in the name of whimsy!

As for the supporting cast, it seems as though folks in charge of development at Lifetime traveled through time from their mid-90s fortress of solitude long enough to catch the pilot for the Grey’s Anatomy spin-off, Private Practice, a few months back. Anne sees her clients in a Victorian home she shares with three other therapists and a lawyer that seemed an awful lot like Kate Walsh’s post-Seattle Grace clinic – the only real difference being a vacuous black hole of annoying dialogue where there should be sex, sex, sex.

That’s not to say that the show didn’t have its share of enjoyable moments. There was a feral child, a Scottish man who communicates via puppets, Brian Krakow as a kind-hearted lawyer with a sordid past and, of course, Lili Taylor. But as much as Lili Taylor might be an underappreciated national treasure, she is not worth the uterus that I would likely grow after a few more episodes of State of Mind.