For every awesome comedy we get, there are almost too many stinkers to bear. This autumn’s sitcom offerings may be sparse, but they are particularly craptastic to compensate. If you’ll pardon my venom and lack of brevity, here’s a quick look at the worst of the worst…
Back to You (Fox; 9/19; 8:00PM). Where to start? Well, right here we have a combination of two of my least favorite things in the world: people who don’t know when to call it a day and Patricia Heaton. Though Kelsey Grammar’s insistence on playing the same character for thirty years in a row may be frustrating, it pales in comparison to the unfortunate perseverance of the one who loved Raymond most. Throwing them together in one of the more formula driven pilots of the new season might possibly be the work of the devil himself. Their chemistry is as forced as Grammar’s paternal curveball is annoying, and seeing them both portray characters aging ungracefully would be kind of funny if it weren’t so pathetic. The only people likely to find any humor in this one won’t even be able to watch because they’re too old to justify watching Fox. Next!
Big Bang Theory (CBS; 9/24; 8:30PM). I did mention that Back to You wasn’t the most formula driven newbie, right? Oh, good, because that honor is reserved for Big Bang Theory. It’s as if the folks behind the hackneyed, early-90s, TGIF-style sitcoms made a show about vestigial nerd stereotypes, included more sexual references than were appropriate at the time and saved it in a time capsule for a day when the humor might float. That day will never come. The story of two physics grad students who are taken under the wing of a hot, blonde neighbor, there are no surprises here – other than the audacity to include a laugh track in a show lacking any funny. Stars Johnny Galecki (Rosanne) and Jim Parsons do have an engaging buddy-comedy repartee, but the ghosts of Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau couldn’t save this writing. Stick through the first 15 minutes of the pilot and you’ll honestly be expecting them to break into “The Urkel“.
Cavemen (ABC; 10/2; 8:00PM). Cavemen may be the only one of these shows that I haven’t actually seen yet, but I’m going to go out on a short, sturdy limb and assume it’s as bad as we’re all imagining. The idea did intrigue me at first. Those charming Geico Neanderthals on telly, you say? Brilliant! Comedic allegory for American intolerance? Just what the doctor ordered! Maybe if someone like David Wain or Will Ferrell was behind it, but not this time. All of the clips are pretty cringe-worthy and few who’ve reported on the first episode have had much positive feedback. Sink slowly or sink fast, as long as it doesn’t stick around long enough to soil my fond memories of moving walkway frustration set to Röyksopp, I promise not to hold this buffoonery against anyone.
The Return of Jezebel James (FOX, Spring). Though not exactly a fall pilot, this one is enough of a knife in the heart to bring up a few months early. Amy Sherman-Palladino’s first post-Gilmore venture sounds like a great idea on paper: Lauren Ambrose, whip-smart writing and a glorious excuse to finally bring Parker Posey into American homes on a weekly basis. The Return of Jezebel James tells the story of single, infertile book editor (Posey) who seeks the help of her estranged sister (Ambrose) to carry a child for her. If that dreary premise isn’t enough to darken your mood, it’s also not funny, and the execution is unforgivably lame. All is not lost though! That lame pilot will probably never make it to the air, and all of that negative feedback gives Sherman-Palladino more than enough time to get her act together before Jezebel’s midseason premiere.
My advice, friends: Don’t count on any laughs from the new season’s comedic hopefuls. Enjoy your last night with Flight of the Conchords and Entourage on Sunday, get ready for NBC’s pitch-perfect Thursday night to return in October and, if you haven’t already, jump on board with How I Met Your Mother and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia next month. After all, one commonality of sitcoms, good or bad, is that it’s never too late to start watching.
