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Upfronts 2008: So… You Think You Can Stop Dancing?

Thursday, May 15th, 2008


My silence may be eerie, but I’m sneakily still very much liking TV. In fact, I just got in from the Fox upfront party. It’s been an exhausting and kind of uneventful week, but what better excuse to touch base than the TV equivalent of prom?

So this year marked my first in-person upfront experience, and I have to say, they’re kind of gross. A bunch of sloppy ad folks boozing to the point of public embarrassment and blatant starfucking does not a good time make. It was an education though. My deep love of So You Think You Can Dance (returning in one week!) was slightly challenged by the throng of contestants from seasons two and three that could literally not stop dancing at any point during the night. Brazilian BBQ buffet? Dance! Line at the porta-potty? Dance! Creepy ‘80s cover band? Um… dance!

They have their charms though. And about a month from now I’ll be so thoroughly into their successors, this transgression will be long forgotten. What won’t be forgotten is the fact those two beautiful creatures pictured above and Eliza Dushku all bolted before I got there. Perhaps it’s best that they stay on their respective pedestals, but I sure would have love to see TV actors not on Gossip Girl every once in a while.

Enough of that. Let’s get down to business. This time last year I was an unhappy camper. Veronica Mars was done, I was mostly unimpressed with the pick-ups, and Eliza Dushku’s pilot was passed over by FOX. Things could not be more different in 2008. Friday Night Lights and How I Met Your Mother, the two bubble shows that I desperately needed to see renewed, will both be back with a vengeance. I’m genuinely excited by some of the new offerings. And this year’s Dushku pilot, a little show called Dollhouse by some writer/auteur/genius named Joss Whedon, is a sure bet for midseason. If you can catch the trailer (they keep pulling them), you will see how very drool inducing it is. Full fall schedules for all the networks, if you haven’t already seen them, can be found right here: ABC, CBS, FOX, the CW. (NBC’s is oooooold news.)

There weren’t any surprises this week. News of renewals and pickups, save a few exceptions, all came weeks ago. The only real shock was that after all the hullabaloo over the upfronts being “soooo different” this year, they were more or less the same. No complaints on my part, as I can think of far worse things than tradition. Attention-starved dance competition veterans for one.

Posted in ABC, cbs, dollhouse, fox, friday night lights, heroes, how i met your mother, nbc, news, so you think you can dance, the cw, upfronts, whedon | No Comments »

Gossip Girl: “School Lies,” Nobody Dies

Thursday, January 3rd, 2008


Shame-ninja that I am, I’ve been stealthily watching Gossip Girl behind your backs for weeks. My explanations include strike starvation, a love of pretty faces and a respect for any scripted show that films in New York… but at the end of the day, I guess I just love teen smut as much as everyone else. In my attempt to devote as little attention as possible to reality TV in 2008, don’t be surprised if this is the first of several Gossip Girl reviews.

Ahhh, watching this with an open mind really let’s me get into Kristen Bell as an narrator. It may be amateurish and vapid, but I think that’s what they’re going for. Listening to the blogger narration makes me wonder if there actually is a Gossip Girl blog. There is! The CW has also recreated the Upper East Side on Second Life. Encouraging tweens to join a virtual world where most avatars have perpetually erect penises isn’t the most responsible thing to do, but kudos for being so Web 2.0, guys!

The episode starts with a brief, illegal pool party at the school that’s cut short when an extra drunkenly slams his head against a pole and falls into the water. I realize this an absurdly fake and glamorous portrayal of high school, but I can’t help but mourn how square it makes my teen years look in comparison. Then again, if I had grown up with kids this attractive, I would have made a much greater effort at being social. Anyways, everyone is under suspicion of having a key to the school and punishment will be severe. My attention to the plot drifted as my envy for the cast’s wardrobes overwhelmed me. Good thing there was a turtleneck to pull me back. Anyways part II, it turned out that Serena was the one who broke into the school, but she accepted responsibility for her actions and was not really punished. This bit is poorly developed because the writers were really feeling Serena’s icy mom this week. Too much screen time is devoted to the adult subplots of Gossip Girl. Kelly Rutherford is certainly a step up from Mrs Walsh and her mom jeans on 90210, but she’s no Kirsten Cohen.

The major struggle of any teen soap is the on-again, off-again romance of its leading couple, but I don’t see how that is going to work for Dan and Serena. They’re both too oddly mature and infatuated to ever mess things up, though I suppose that will change in time. At least with The OC we could count on Ryan’s silent rage and Marissa being an ambisexual, drug-addled moron to tear them apart on a monthly basis. Gossip Girl is just eye candy in its purist form. It’s not as smart or funny as similar shows have been in the past, but they don’t really care and neither do I. The current show is an admirable evolution from last summer’s pilot. I just wish everyone would stop saying “van der Woodsen” so much.

Posted in gossip girl, the cw | 2 Comments »

#4 of 2007: Veronica Mars

Friday, December 28th, 2007


Veronica was my girl. I’ve written enough postmortems to prove it. For three seasons, she was more or less my reason for watching TV. The show’s cancellation was the ultimate lowlight of 2007, so it’d be wrong not to acknowledge that tragedy one more time as I look back at the year. The third season may not have been her strongest, but compared to most of the crap out there, it was solid gold. Here’s one last tip of the hat to you, Veronica Mars. You surely will be missed…

Posted in mikey likes tv, the cw, top 10 of 2007, veronica mars | No Comments »

Hey, Fall Newbies, We’re Breaking Up!

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

It’s time to trim the fat, folks. And some of this season’s more enticing fare has turned out to be deceptively unhealthy. Not terrible, per se, but certainly not worth the calories – like a McGriddle! Food metaphors aside, I really just don’t have the time or energy for my ambitious schedule. Sacrifices need to be made. Here’s a quick rundown of the shows on my chopping block and the ones whose heads have already rolled…

DONE!

Private Practice: I barely made it through the first episode. Its moderate success is a testament to the generally low standards of the new season and the decline of American culture. I’m sure Kate Walsh is a nice lady, and we all love any excuse to watch Tim Daly, but this show makes Grey’s look sophisticated. It also suffers from lame, repetitive episode titles (“In Which…” really?) – a trait shared by another demonic and ultimately doomed spin-off.

Bionic Woman: The inevitable mid-season episode where Katee Sackhoff brutally kills Jamie Sommers’ pointless, homophobic sensei, Isaiah Washington, is almost enough to make me keep watching. But… it’s not. This one is hard, because any source of Sackhoff while Battlestar is on one of its evil hiatuses should be a welcome treat, but even she can’t save this sinking ship. I may give it one final obligatory viewing tonight – tedious as that will probably be. (sidenote: Isaiah Washington’s default IMDB photo makes me want to die)

Aliens in America: This one is funny and sweet, but let’s be honest, Girlfriends probably has its moments too. I like my TV with an edge, and Aliens is clearly of the rounded variety.

STEP UP!

Chuck and Reaper: I kind of feel like a bipolar mama bird. I was so excited to see these two hatch, but their first steps have left me skeptical and contemplating a quick boot from the DVR nest. They’re hard not to group together because their premises aren’t all that dissimilar. Unfortunately, neither are their failings. Chuck needs to get past its heavy reliance on the charming cast (and failure to make light of the ridiculous plot) and come up with some more exciting storylines. As for Reaper, there’s so much room for social commentary, it’s kind of a sin that they’re not even trying to explore it. Melancholic twentysomethings are my favorites, and supernatural obligations as a metaphor for life’s self-induced setbacks come in at a close second. These two should be golden!

Posted in ABC, chuck, nbc, private practice, reaper, the cw | 5 Comments »

Aliens in America: Stereotypes in Deft Hands

Monday, October 1st, 2007

On paper, Aliens in America sounds like a pretty horrible idea: a goofy, conservative, Midwestern family unwittingly takes in a Pakistani foreign exchange student and awkward cultural confusion (that results in heartwarming life lessons) ensues… on The CW no less. Not appealing at all. Now throw in a charming cast, irreverent writing and earnest social commentary. The product is a sweet comedy that is genuinely fun to watch.

Like a lighthearted, less allegorical Battlestar Galactica, the real freaks of Aliens in America are the robotic suburbanites in the small Wisconsin town who are doing all the shunning. They’ve ostracized Justin (Dan Byrd) so much that his mother, Frannie (Amy Pietz), has to import a friend from a foreign country. Instead of getting the reputation-boosting Nordic she’s been promised, she is horrified when a Muslim boy, Raja, steps off the plane in his place. Raja (Adhir Kalyan) and his wide-eyed culture shock, his friendship with Justin and their respective trials navigating the comically cruel waters of a middle American high school are the big selling points here, but the parents should not be overlooked. I don’t know where you’ve been since playing that oversexed chorus girl from Cats on Caroline in the City, Amy Pietz, but it’s good to have you back. And whose Gilmore withdrawal isn’t largely because of Scott Patterson?

The new season is hardly lacking in good comedy, but it’s not abundant in the traditional half-hour form – making Aliens in America both palatable and convenient. It’s by no means required weekly viewing, but it’s another step in the right direction for The CW and definitely worth your time.

Posted in the cw | No Comments »

Bones is Back and Reaper Arrives

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007

“I will not feel guilty for loving a procedural drama. I will not feel guilty for loving a procedural drama…” Oh, hello, you caught me in the middle of a little self-flagellation. After two seasons of religiously watching Bones (FOX; 8PM), I still feel a little shame for adoring a show with such a conventional premise. There’s something about Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz though – they are a whimsical juggernaut of chemistry. Just look at them!

Continuity abounds in tonight’s season premiere with the search for Angela’s estranged husband, mounting sexual tension between our two leads and the inevitable reference to Brennan’s seriously dysfunctional family. Bones is good, occasionally gory fun and is always worth a watch if you’re in the mood to detox from all of those serials you’re obsessed with.

Tonight is also the premiere of Reaper (CW; 9PM) – one of the few new shows this season that seriously deserves to be required viewing. I had so wanted to leave CW behind with their anticlimactic execution of Veronica Mars, but there’s no denying the appeal of a hilarious cast and well-executed, lighthearted science fiction. Check out my original review of the pilot here; the only noticeable difference in tonight’s episode will be the swapping of Nikki Reed for the much more interesting Missy Peregrym in the role of Andi. Here’s hoping Reaper is the first new CW show to actually garner an audience. Gossip Girl certainly wasn’t.

Posted in Bones, fox, reaper, the cw | 3 Comments »

Mediocrity Thrives! Gossip Girl & Back to You Premiere Tonight

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

Midway through the soft-open week of the new season, tonight we get the premiere of two of the fall’s most hyped shows: The CW’s Josh Schwartz-helmed teen-soap Gossip Girl and FOX’s juggernaut of middle-aged star power, Back to You. Reviews of both pilots can still be read here and here.

My thoughts on Gossip Girl (9PM, CW) haven’t really changed since I watched it earlier in the summer – mostly because I haven’t thought about it again. If you’re at all inclined to watch a show like this, you’re not going to be disappointed by what you get. You’re also not going to be surprised, which is a shame.

As for Back to You (8PM, FOX), watching the first episode is much like finding yourself on a blind date with someone who is both unattractive and obnoxious. You stare at them blankly, waiting to be let in on the joke, but the punchline never comes. You were duped into wasting precious moments of your interesting life on a terrible mistake, and when it’s over, you’re angry and confused. Though I couldn’t care less about the two TV dynasties that stars Grammar and Heaton come from, I still can’t believe no effort went into making this show remotely dynamic. It’s total bunk.

If you’re going to take a chance on a new series tonight, you should probably avoid the aforementioned completely. Instead, check out the premiere of CBS’s scandal-soaked Kid Nation (8PM) – a show that puts 40 children in a ghost town and forces them to fend for themselves for a month and a half! I’ve only seen the ten minute promo that ran during the upfronts – so I can’t say that it’s actually any good – but it certainly could be the greatest thing to ever happen to reality television. CBS certainly thinks so. They’re already casting the second season. Find out if it’s worth it tonight, and come back tomorrow for my reaction.

Posted in cbs, fox, gossip girl, kid nation, the cw | No Comments »

Pilot Testing: Gossip Girl

Thursday, August 23rd, 2007

There are far better uses of Kristen Bell than serving as the narrator to the CW’s upcoming teen drama Gossip Girl. She could, for example, work at the coffee truck by my apartment. Every morning we could have a snappy conversation about current events while she gingerly poured a splash of half-and-half into my large iced, and I’d feel that much better about the recent loss of my favorite television character. What’s the point in enlisting her talents if we don’t even get to see that darling cherubic face and her vast repertoire of expressions? Not much, I fear, but if that’s all she can get these days, I won’t get on her case.

Wait, Kristen Bell turned down a job on Lost? Kristen Bell got a recurring gig on Heroes? So what the hell is she doing slumming behind the curtain at the network that gave her a big, fat bitch slap? And how may rhetorical questions could these circumstances possibly prompt? Now that I know it’s not the only thing keeping K-Bell off of food stamps, I’m really not inclined to jump on the GG bandwagon. But if you’re considering it yourself, here is what you should know:

What is it? Based on a series of books of the same title, Gossip Girl is a teen soap about sex and social hierarchy at a fancy Manhattan boarding school. An anonymous blogger (modernity!) chronicles the interwoven drama of characters with such quintessentially old money names as “Van Der Woodsen”, “Waldorf” and “Archiblaid.” Honestly.

Is it any good? For what it is, Gossip Girl is fairly benign. The cast is attractive and capable of more than just lingered glances, but the writing (at least in the pilot) leaves a lot to be desired. Had the proposed Cruel Intentions series, Manchester Prep, actually come to fruition, it probably would have looked a lot like this. It was condensed into a straight-to-DVD movie because someone was keen enough to point out that the overt sexuality and corresponding humor of Cruel Intentions just couldn’t translate to network television. Also, people no longer cared. If Gossip Girl is trying to go the Cruel Intentions route, there is one terrible problem: wit is a nonentity, which is a shame. It’s hard to watch these characters take themselves seriously.

Will it last? Shows like this are the bread and butter of networks like the CW. With the failure of Hidden Palms and the waning lifespan of One Tree Hill, they really need this one to connect with their audience, and judging by their excessive promotions, they’re well aware. Gossip Girl could likely pick up on the audience abandoned by The OC. Then again… The OC’s audience had all but disappeared when it finally bit the dust.

Gossip Girl premieres September 26th, at 9:00PM on the CW.

Posted in gossip girl, pilots, the cw | No Comments »

Pilot Testing: Reaper

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007


Oh, how I wanted to hate everything on the CW fall line-up. It didn’t seem like it would be so difficult. After hosing both Veronica Mars and her fans, their offerings seemed like more of the same pitiful attempts they gave us their freshman year: mediocre teensploitation geared towards the WB audience they lost and probably no longer exists. But the shows aren’t actually that bad. Reaper might be one of the strongest series premiering on network TV this year… and not just because excessive soundtrack reliance on Blue Oyster Cult (more cowbell!) is almost guaranteed.

Reaper tells the story of a young layabout (Sam) who wakes up on his 21st birthday to find that his parents sold his soul to the devil before he was even born, and the devil has come to collect. It sounds pretty evil, but the writers do a good job of making the parents lovable despite their snafu – which is why we understand when Sam (Bret Harrison) starts working as a reaper for the devil (Ray Wise) to pay his parents’ debt.

Taking a new spin on the idea of reaping, Sam doesn’t have to harvest fresh souls and see them to the afterlife à la Dead Like Me. Instead, he is charged with finding the evil, slippery folks who’ve escaped from hell and conveniently settled in his small town. He captures the souls, much like the Ghostbusters did, in supernaturally altered household items (in the pilot, it’s a dust buster) and brings them to the devil’s liaison on earth – a demonic DMV employee played by the forever pitch-perfect Christine Willes (Dolores Herbig of Dead Like Me).

Despite a heavy reliance on supernatural themes, at its core, Reaper is just a comedy about charming slackers. It could prove difficult for future episodes to live up to the directorial skill of pilot-helmsman and slacker-king Kevin Smith, but the ensemble cast gels in a way that could easily withstand occasionally mediocre contributors. Unfortunately, some of that cast (and the original pilot with them) won’t make it to September. Actress (and ‘World’s Youngest Screenwriter’) Nikki Reed was replaced by former Heroes cast member Missy Peregrym as Sam’s coworker and romantic lead.

Just as it took that little dove two trips to offer Noah proof that there was land out there somewhere, it’s taken The CW two seasons to find even the smallest vestige of hope that they might be a capable network. Reaper is the olive branch, and though their days on that stinky boat are far from over, there may be a future for The CW after all.

Here endeth the blog

Posted in pilots, reaper, the cw | 1 Comment »

Hidden Palms: Thus Far, Predictably Void of Trajectory

Thursday, May 31st, 2007

Begin momentary pause of lifelong CW boycott…

As much as The CW marketing folks would have you believe, Hidden Palms is most definitely not The OC. The premise may be there – wealthy, attractive teenagers canoodle and make drama to a gorgeous California backdrop. There’s even the added bonus of two OC castoffs from some of the most hated story arcs in the show’s brief and rocky tenure. Taking a second to not even consider the lack of story in last night’s premiere, my biggest problem is that this vision of Palm Springs seems almost too ludicrous to take seriously – even on a soap.

With their nice cars, their country club and their unapologetically popped collars, I can’t help but wonder of if this is a remotely accurate portrayal of Palm Springs lifers. We know everyone in Orange County at least kind of rich/pretty/fucked up – Laguna Beach proved that. But I’ve always been under the impression that people who lived in Palm Springs, year-round, were townies. You wouldn’t make a show like this in, say, the Hamptons, because eight months out of the year everyone’s very old and/or living in a doublewide.

Now, ignoring the fact that no one on Hidden Palms works at a gas station, thereby nullifying any accuracy, how about our cast? Johnny, our would-be Ryan, has lived quite a life already for a 17-year-old. Once clad entirely in argyle, burning the midnight oils to make the honor roll, witnessing his father’s abrupt and bizarre suicide pushed Johnny into a world of booze and drugs. Just a year later, he’s already three-months clean, in a new town, and attending AA meetings with his only real friend, an aging, southern alcoholic transvestite named Jesse Jo. Johnny’s neighbor Cliff, seems innocent enough until we discover he may have had something to do with a late Palm Springer’s death and really enjoys arbitrary puppy-kicking.

As for the ladies… Sharon Lawrence, in one of her greater stretches, plays a hot, old slut, and Gail O’Grady is around to remind us that teen-soap moms aren’t always hot and fun – sometimes they’re boring and dumpy like normal TV moms. There are also two/three high school girls in the cast (one hot, one dowdy, one black), but they didn’t get much screen time in the pilot.

I’d like to say that my first trip to Hidden Palms was my last, but I’m too interested in seeing how they to incorporate the creepy puppet-faced man who kept popping up in their failed viral marketing campaign. Unless episode two takes a completely different turn from the pilot, puppet-face is going to be an incredibly hard sell.

… alright, end momentary pause of lifelong CW boycott.

Posted in hidden palms, the cw | 1 Comment »

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