Two years ago, the star of CBS’s Welcome to the Captain, Fran Kranz, appeared in a little seen (and hugely hilarious) film called The TV Set. In it he played an unknown actor who secured the starring role in a pilot that had all the makings of an excellent series. But through the network’s dumbing down of the script and his insipid performance, the show that was actually produced ended up being a boring, contrived mess. Welcome to the Captain could be that series.
It follows a struggling young writer named Josh who moves into a historic Hollywood high-rise as a last result before fleeing LA for the creative womb of New York. In the building he meets an eccentric group of tenants who become the focus of his day-to-day. There isn’t much to look forward to in TV land these days, so forgive me for holding out hope that Captain may have been something to write home about. All of the previews seemed legitimately funny, the camera work is reminiscent of Arrested Development and their nabbing of actors like Jeffrey Tambor, Raquel Welch and Chris Klein was a huge vote of confidence. So how does this show suck so royally and completely? I’m afraid there’s no easy answer. Captain is bad in ways both predictable and astonishing. It takes a mediocre premise and challenges everyone involved (writers, actors, the key grip, craft services…) to pollute each minute with clichés, idiotic humor and the kind of poor exploitation of “wacky” characters that has rarely appeared on television since the late 80s.
You might be thinking, “Mikey, it’s not fair to judge pilots so harshly. At least give the show a chance.” Well, I did. Half of the venom I just spewed was produced during my viewing of next week’s installment of Welcome to the Captain. The first episode was merely bad. For something achingly bad, by all means, keep watching.