Nobody likes to pat themselves on the back quite like The Food Network, so it’s kind of surprising that it took them as long as it did to package their self-love into an award ceremony. Heavily promoted, yet cloaked in mystery, The Food Network Awards turned out to be a really long episode of that horrible show where Marc Summers makes overuse of alliteration when describing food.
Filmed in Miami, in front of a surprisingly large audience of people who must have been pulled from the streets, TFNA and host Emeril honored people (living and dead), inanimate objects and even a city. Though there was relatively little attention paid to further glorifying the hosts of the network, each appeared to read poorly scripted dialogue from a prompter and showcase the nominees. If anyone felt a shiver run up their spine around 10:00pm Eastern last night, it was hell freezing over when my beloved Nigella Lawson introduced a performance by G Love & the Special Sauce. Nothing is sacred.
When it seemed like it couldn’t get more awkward than Alton Brown forgetting how to speak in the company Nigella’s heaving bosom – the honorees spoke. Had Burger & Fries been around to accept their award for “Favorite Food Combo,” I’m sure it would have been eloquent, but we had to settle for interviews with nominees like Jason Mecier. Jason was nominated for the “Play With Your Food” award, but sadly lost to a Jell-O Artist. His edible mosaics mainly focus on portraits of pop culture icons, but his noodle and bean work with television characters is particularly impressive. I’m not sure… how or why these people were nominated for awards, but there’s no way you could sit through more than ten minutes unless you were willing to completely resign to the arbitrary nature of the show.
As unnecessary as the whole thing is, it’s hard to deny an award show that seeks to honor the greatest food delivery service. And though I can’t imagine anything being better than the Bacon of The Month Club, if they had to lose, I’m glad it was to a hometown favorite. I don’t expect you’ll see this happening again next year, so be sure to catch the absurdity in one of the many encore airings that will pop up in the coming weeks.
I can not believe you made fun of Marc Summers. He is handicapped!