There are far better uses of Kristen Bell than serving as the narrator to the CW’s upcoming teen drama Gossip Girl. She could, for example, work at the coffee truck by my apartment. Every morning we could have a snappy conversation about current events while she gingerly poured a splash of half-and-half into my large iced, and I’d feel that much better about the recent loss of my favorite television character. What’s the point in enlisting her talents if we don’t even get to see that darling cherubic face and her vast repertoire of expressions? Not much, I fear, but if that’s all she can get these days, I won’t get on her case.
Wait, Kristen Bell turned down a job on Lost? Kristen Bell got a recurring gig on Heroes? So what the hell is she doing slumming behind the curtain at the network that gave her a big, fat bitch slap? And how may rhetorical questions could these circumstances possibly prompt? Now that I know it’s not the only thing keeping K-Bell off of food stamps, I’m really not inclined to jump on the GG bandwagon. But if you’re considering it yourself, here is what you should know:
What is it? Based on a series of books of the same title, Gossip Girl is a teen soap about sex and social hierarchy at a fancy Manhattan boarding school. An anonymous blogger (modernity!) chronicles the interwoven drama of characters with such quintessentially old money names as “Van Der Woodsen”, “Waldorf” and “Archiblaid.” Honestly.
Is it any good? For what it is, Gossip Girl is fairly benign. The cast is attractive and capable of more than just lingered glances, but the writing (at least in the pilot) leaves a lot to be desired. Had the proposed Cruel Intentions series, Manchester Prep, actually come to fruition, it probably would have looked a lot like this. It was condensed into a straight-to-DVD movie because someone was keen enough to point out that the overt sexuality and corresponding humor of Cruel Intentions just couldn’t translate to network television. Also, people no longer cared. If Gossip Girl is trying to go the Cruel Intentions route, there is one terrible problem: wit is a nonentity, which is a shame. It’s hard to watch these characters take themselves seriously.
Will it last? Shows like this are the bread and butter of networks like the CW. With the failure of Hidden Palms and the waning lifespan of One Tree Hill, they really need this one to connect with their audience, and judging by their excessive promotions, they’re well aware. Gossip Girl could likely pick up on the audience abandoned by The OC. Then again… The OC’s audience had all but disappeared when it finally bit the dust.
Gossip Girl premieres September 26th, at 9:00PM on the CW.